Maddie Taylor, host of the My Girl Life podcast, has created a space where crossdressers and trans women can explore self-acceptance, identity, and personal growth. In her episode titled “Are You Addicted to Crossdressing?“, she unpacks the fine line between healthy self-expression and compulsive behavior, discussing the binge-purge cycle, feelings of guilt or shame, and the role of crossdressing in emotional well-being. While she acknowledges societal pressures, Maddie ultimately sees crossdressing as an empowering and authentic part of her life. If you haven’t listened to this episode yet, it’s a must-hear. Today, we’re diving deeper into that discussion, asking Maddie about her journey to self-acceptance and what she’s learned along the way.
You discussed how self-acceptance is a key part of making crossdressing a positive experience. What was the turning point for you in fully embracing Maddie as a part of your life?
Great question! I’d have to say when I started going out in public and then making friends as Maddie. These 2 things made it very real…made me feel like Maddie was a real person with real friends, real things to do, obligations, accountability to others and removed a lot of the shame and guilt associated with dressing! Also, I think my passability (is that a word? lol) was a big part of it. Then the acceptance of all my general population (when I say general population, I mean all non-LGBTQ people) friends added another level of confidence because I felt less like Maddie was a crossdresser and more like Maddie was a regular human being.
A big theme in your episode was self-acceptance vs. self-rejection. How did you navigate moments of doubt or fear of judgment, particularly before reaching the level of confidence you have today?
Well, I think not taking myself too seriously was helpful. Even to this day I sometimes just laugh at myself…like a moment of leaving my body and looking at myself and thinking “what the fuck are you doing?” lol. However, those moments are few and far between and very short lived. I also think being a confident and emotionally balanced person in general helps with those moments. I will say the times when I have the most doubts or self rejection is when I have spent a lot of time with friends and family who don’t know about Maddie. People who are living the life I used to live and the life I loved and thought was what made people happy…things like making lots of money, fancy cars and big houses etc. Then I found a deeper well when I started to embrace my girl life. In fact, I did an episode on the finding a deeper well
in crossdressing…the episode is titled “Crossdresser Maddie Taylor Bares Her Soul: I Found A Deeper Well In Crossdressing”
How has your perception of crossdressing evolved over time? If you could give advice to your younger self when you first started dressing, what would you say?
Another great question! I would say to my younger self, get involved with the crossdressing/trans community early on. Connecting with others on Facebook was a game changer for Maddie. The ability to make so many friends, connections and learning about events like TGR and Wildside were life changing for me and for a lot of us. I would also tell myself that what I’m feeling and what it all means to me will change and change for the better. The shame will dissipate and it will evolve into something very beautiful and fulfilling!
You mentioned the binge-and-purge cycle, which many crossdressers experience. What advice would you give to someone currently struggling with this cycle?
First of all, do NOT throw your girl stuff away!!! Put it all in a box and hide it because odds are you’re going to want that box of items back! Dressing is very addictive, especially in the beginning! Just like anything else that is new and exciting, it’s easy to get addicted to it. Let me add here that I think the term addiction has more layers to it then it’s just plain BAD. I think there are healthy addictions and maybe it’s just a matter of semantics…you could use terms like driven, devotion, enthusiastic, absorbed etc. and that would be thought of as healthy. Just like almost everything in life, rarely is it black and white, it’s a spectrum. Knowing where you are on that spectrum is key. I think if your dressing is a healthy expression of oneself, the extreme excitement will taper off just like anything else that is exciting and causes rushes of dopamine in serotonin. This is what is called hedonic adaptation. Hedonic means pleasure and adaptation means getting used to a new stimuli. We all experience this to some degree with a new relationship or driving a brand new car or going to a new place repeatedly… over time the thrill and excitement dissipate, which is normal and the same goes for crossdressing. Now that doesn’t mean it’s not exciting anymore. It just doesn’t give off the same high as when it was new to your brain.
Many crossdressers struggle with guilt, especially if they feel their dressing is taking too much time, energy, or focus away from other parts of life. What would you say to someone who is questioning whether their crossdressing is still in a healthy place?
I think that is a very personal call right? I covered this in the episode…review this bullet point list and be brutally honest with yourself, or maybe do it with a good friend. If you can identify with any of these attributes, analyze which ones and the degree to which they are affecting your life and make adjustments.If you are unable to make positive adjustments then maybe therapy would be warranted. Being self-aware is half the battle so pay attention to what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.
- You struggle to control the urge or spend excessive amounts of time and resources on it.
- You feel anxiety, guilt, shame, or emotional pain afterward…you purge etc.
- It negatively impacts relationships, work, or personal responsibilities.
- It is tied to emotional escape or avoidance, rather than personal authenticity. Now I think the escape part can be healthy as long as it is controlled and temporary…just like escaping to a vacation or your favorite camping spot, hike, mediation or whatever…we all need temporary escapes to keep us sane but I think you get the idea.
There’s often a fear in the crossdressing community that dressing will always feel like a secret or a hidden part of life. What do you think is the best way for someone to move from secrecy to openness, even if only within themselves?
Knowing that there are probably millions of like minded people doing the same or similar things. Society has a way of making us think there’s a model way to live our lives and anything else is deviant. Spend some time reading about the psychological aspects of crossdressing. Sometimes being able to identify something or giving a name to it can help normalize what would otherwise be something thought of as shameful. Learning about gender variations in nature and how natural that is and how, of course it extends to human beings because we are part of nature. I will say, however, if there’s not a stable foundation in terms of emotional well-being, then adding something like crossdressing to that can be hard to handle. So working on yourself as a person by reading, researching, watching documentaries and basically educating yourself on how our brain works will help you cope with crossdressing and many other things for that matter. And lastly, you can still connect with people online and establish relationships and support, even if you’re dressing alone at home and not going out in public.
Maddie has recorded a brand-new podcast episode that dives deeper into the questions covered in this article. Be sure to tune in and listen here: My Girl Life “Maddie’s Revealing Answers to Glamour Boutique Questionnaire”.
How has your own journey with self-acceptance and crossdressing evolved over time? What advice would you give to someone struggling with guilt or shame around crossdressing? We’d love to know what you think! Email us at [email protected] or message us on our Facebook page. And be sure to check out more great tips and articles on our blog!